The Shophound decided that we wanted to try and cover as much as possible this Fashion Week, which explains why we found ourselves at Scanty, the worst fashion show we have ever been to, and we've been to some real losers. This was the first show to take us out of the tents, so we made our way down to StyleLounge which has been set up as a sort of alternative to the tents a few subway stops down 6th Avenue. They host a few shows over the weekend, and this one apparently honored the Mercury Milan Style Award Winner. We had never heard of such a prize, and we didn't know what Scanty was, but they invited us, so we went. Now we have a better understanding that having a fashion show brought to you by Mercury is like driving a car built by, say, Hanes for example. We should have known something was amiss when we saw the attendance level, which pretty thin, but just when we thought it might be a total loss, we saw a celebrity.
E! TV Guide Channel "Fashion Expert" and Joan Rivers cohort Leon Hall!
Well, if Leon Hall's here, it must be O.K.
What follows is an illustrated faux live-blog of the event. Basically it demonstrates everything not to do when sttaging a fahion show. Just remember, we went, so you didn't have to.
Cheesecake photos after the jump
They don't have us on the list, even though we were expressly emailed a confirmation. No problem! Here's a seat! Go in! Enjoy!
Air conditioning! It's hot today. There is a DJ playing music, and one of the sponsor booths is also playing different music.
Kind of an annoying way to set the mood.
Our swag for this show is a card for 2 free ringtones, a red pen and some little green mints that look like those little packets that say "do not eat" that come in electronics boxes.
They are scaring us a little.
Leon Hall is being moved from the front row on one side of the runway to the front row on the other side.
Apparently there is a celebrity section.
There isn't anyone else in the front row, so nobodies who are in back rows are being moved to the front.
We would actually rather just stay where we are.
Now we have been moved to the front row too. Now that the front row is full, a kooky lady in a hat has arrived and insists on a front row seat, so an extra chair is added for her.
She looks like Liza Minelli, but not as good.
We mean Liza Minelli now.
She feels the need to speak animatedly with everyone around her. The good news is we are just a few seats away from Leon Hall!
he show starts, but first we get a speech from a Lincoln-Mercury representative welcoming us to this wonderful fashion show.
Not a good sign.
The models come out.
Apparently, this is a sleepwear show. We did not know that. She's wearing an inner tube, and it was all downhill from here. She may be an actual model, but most of the ones that followed her were definitely not. It was the amateur hour. Not even up to the standards of 'America's Next Top Model'. These girls would never pass muster with Miss Jay. Here they come giggling down the runway, waving to cheering friends, who apparently make up most of the audience. What are we doing here? We have seen more professional shows in malls.
Wait, We think that model was on'America's next Top Model'.
This is excruciating, and just when we think it can't get any worse, this happens:
Hey, Leon Hall's not the only celebrity here. Vamping and bouncing her way down the runway is former Trading Spaces host Paige Davis! Paige is demonstrating one of the saddest career trajectories ever. One more step down and she'll be working at...uh SCORES, we guess.
Paige Davis has left the runway to give Leon Hall a big kiss. Now she is sitting on the lap of the man sitting next to Leon Hall where she remains for a good portion of the rest of the show, so while this is happening on the runway:
This is happening next to it:
She really is practicing for SCORES.
Oh Lord we have to get out of here. The DJ is playing 'Tom Sawyer' by Rush! And we can't leave because we are in the front row!
The model who opened the show has just shown the front row exactly how very sheer her thong is. Always nice to know who likes a Brazilian wax.
Hallelujah! It's over, and the finale is, you guessed it, a pillow fight!
We don't want those feathers anywhere near us. But no, it's not really over. The lady from Lincoln Mercury is back to give an award to Scanty Creative Director Mickey Sills.
Mickey feels the need to give a speech.
Mickey is not a particularly articulate gentleman.
Dear God, will we ever get out of here?